We went bowling yesterday. Just my husband, son and I. It was my idea. We hadn't done anything just the 3 of us for a while and we wanted to get out and have a little fun. And though it was my idea, and I was excited about it, there was a little voice in the back of my head saying, "What do you think you're doing here? Trying to bowl with an oxygen tank strapped to your back and ridiculously low lung function? This is a crazy idea!" But I ignored the voice and continued to our lane. Picking up a 9 lb ball, (I looked for lighter but the finger holes were too small!) I took a breath and marched down the lane with a 1,2,3,4 throw count I learned from the bowling lessons my grandma gave a cousin of mine and I way back when we were 12. Some things just stick with you.
At first the doomsday voice in my head got very loud, pointing out just how difficult this was, noting how out of breath I was and doubting I would recover in time for my next turn. And in fact I gave my son a couple of my turns. But I stuck with it and I did alright, fairly consistently knocking down 7-9 pins, getting the occasional spare and coming close to a strike a few times (I was robbed I tell you, robbed!). We played 2 games. At the end of the first game I thought I might just sit the 2nd game out and cheer the boys on from my seat, but instead I kept going. And it got easier. In fact I began to feel like I was getting my second (or really 1st) wind.
On the last frame I almost passed on my turn, but then changed my mind. I grabbed my ball and thought, why not? Why not seize the moment? Why give it away? Just do it. You never know when you'll be bowling again. Enjoy the moment. And I did. And I bowled a strike in the last frame! The coveted time to strike because you get to play an extra frame. So I grabbed my ball and went again, 1,2,3,4 and zoom - another strike! My boys went wild. Go again? Alright. I approached the lane a 3rd time 1,2,3,4 and promptly threw it straight in the gutter. Ah well! Back to reality I guess! It didn't matter. I felt like you do when you complete a really physically demanding exercise - like an intense interval training or something similar. I was exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. And I was proud of myself. Proud that I had pushed through the challenge and ignored the doubting voice in my head and pleased that I was actually able to do it. It felt really good. And even though I know I'll be paying the price a bit today with a sore shoulder or arm, it will be totally worth it for the experience of living fully for a little while. And, incidentally, I won that last game :)
I write this with the intention of illustrating how important it is to quiet the doubting voice that we all have. The one that limits us. We all face challenges in our life and I don't pretend to have greater challenges than anyone else. My desire is simply to share in a personal way that when we leave behind the voice that tells us we can't do something and instead believe in ourselves, we can push through some of our challenges and come out on the other side feeling great; having learned a little bit more about who we are and what we are capable of. It's nothing new or earth shattering to be sure, but it is a good reminder.
No comments:
Post a Comment