Tell a New Story

There's a famous quote attributed to Winston Churchill that says, "If you're going through hell, keep going." It's sound advice. I mean really, who would just stay wallowing in hell if you could keep going and get out of it? And yet, many, many times in our lives *we do just that. We wallow in hell rather than getting the hell out of there! Do we do this on purpose? No, that would be insane. We wouldn't intentionally torture ourselves by keeping ourselves in a place of misery or despair. Yet so often we hang on to traumas, injustices, disappointments, and other such things for so long that they become part of our story of who we think we are. And we tell that story to ourselves and others over and over again. Reminding ourselves how hard we had it as a child, how bad we are at long term relationships, how sick we always are, how wronged we were by this person or that person, what bad luck we have finding rewarding work or how we aren't good at making friends.

Here's the thing though, these stories are from the past. They actually have no relevance on today except the relevance we keep giving them by keeping them alive in the now. Remember, all of our power is in this moment. This is the launching place for so much more. Yet when we keep those old stories alive, we severely limit our potential for new experiences. Our perspective on the future is clouded by our constantly looking back at the past.

This is not to say that we should deny our past or ignore challenges and try to paint a smiley face over everything. What we do need to do, if we want to get out of that story (or that particular hell we are living) is accept it. Accept it fully as something that happened. It is what it is. Or it was what it was. Make peace with it and then drop it. Tell a new story. Start simple with phrases like, "Up until today I saw myself as a victim of my childhood, but from now on I am moving forward instead of looking back." or "I used to think the universe had it in for me, but from now on I am going to start noticing what is going right for me." It might not seem like much, but if you're serious about getting out of hell then you've got to keep moving forward not back and forward but forward.

I have my own recent example of "going through hell". One week after I was released from the hospital after my transplant I had to be readmitted. You may have heard a far off scream of Nooooo in the air. That was me. Though my new lung was doing splendidly, my old lung had decided to throw in the towel and collapse. To make a very long story short, I proceeded on a roller coaster of ups and downs that eventually totaled an additional 3+ weeks in the hospital. Many times during that stay I was convinced the universe was against me. Here I was with a fresh new lung waiting to jump back into life after so long and bam I'm knocked down again. It was so unfair! I was overcome by the injustice of it all (though I will state right now that my circumstances were nowhere near as serious as many of the other people on that hospital floor). I kept breaking down into tears, but soon discovered that this was not the way to go as it was terribly annoying to get all stuffed up from crying, I am a really ugly crier and you are never given more than 5 minutes alone in a hospital. I realized I was going to have to pull it together.

The words of Alan Watts kept coming back to me, "Do you define yourself as a victim of the world or as the world?" I kept reminding myself that I was not a victim. I decided to accept fully where I was. To embrace it and make the most of it. I got to know the nurses and the PCTs. I had my family bring in games and crafts. Friends sent books and movies. In short, I settled in for the long haul. I started looking for what I could learn from the experience and I kept celebrating any small sign of progress. My attitude changed and I was able to handle the ups and downs with more grace. I wasn't denying what was happening. I was accepting and making peace with it. What other choice did I have? Like I said, I'm a really ugly crier. Eventually, I made it out of the hospital and have been progressing nicely ever since. More and more I am changing my story from someone who was getting sicker every day to someone who is getting better every day. It feels amazing to be on the road to recovery, but I didn't start feeling like that just because I had the transplant. It took a shift of perspective for me to truly feel like I am someone who could live vibrantly well.

*I use the term we in a very general way. Not everything will apply to everyone, of course.